tintedpane.com

I was sitting in front of my computer today, and heard some scraping action overhead. Banged on the walls a couple of times, thinking it was a squirrel on the roof playing with nuts or something. A few minutes later, I hear the buzzing, like that of a flying insect. PRIMAL FEAR takes over and I bolt for the bathroom. I bang my head on the music stand and nearly trip over my guitar on the way out. Pulse racing, fists raised. Fight or flight time. I flight every time.

I share a bathroom with my sister and her room opens into the main hallway opposite mine. The hallways leads to the stairs and a balcony sort of hallway into the other section of the house. So now you have the layout, somewhat. This winged insect, which I get a glance of as I peek out of my sister’s room is completely black, and seems to have a penchant for homo sapiens, namely me. It’s abdomen hangs down nearly vertical like a wasp’s. As I take a step out into the hallway, the damn thing starts flying towards me. I immediately bend my knees and drop down into a semi crouch and retreat as fast as I can for the bathroom. It decides to fly away. Now after several moments of hesitation I stick my head out of the bedroom door again, looking this way and that — up, down, left, right…I crane my neck to try and hear any signs of buzzing, which would give me a clue to where the darn thing is. Nope, no buzzing. I clamor about, hoping it’s not crawling around the empty cardboard containers which held the shelving units I had assembled earlier in the week. Finally, I hear some buzzing. The flying bug is crawling on the glass window above the front door. I gather my courage and find a fly swatter. I pull up a chair to the door and try to see if I can reach it. Nope, too short. I scamper around (sounds like what a rodent would do, huh?) and think of ideas. After a few moments I run to the garage and grab the handle of an old mop. I decide to squish the bug as it climbs up the glass pane. I return to the front entrance area only to find the bug gone. Haha, just kidding, but that woulda really sucked. It’s still there. I bring the mop handle up to the height of the bug and thrust forward. It catches right above the abdomen — the thorax?? and the thing starts flappin’ its wings but can only put out a contorted effort. Now I have the upper hand. After evaluating the situation I decide it’s weak enough that it won’t fly anywhere and I can get close enough to knock it off the ledge. I climb the banister of the stairs and use the mop handle to knock it down to the ground. When it finally fell, I tried to be humane and squish it’s head, but I miss and get the thorax?? again. (Oh, and the thing had orange feelers.) It writhes and I feel bad for it (only for a moment) and then flush it down the toilet. The I shudder a couple of times.

Sometimes I wonder if all those wasps and cockroaches and beetles I kill and flush down the toilet will come up and attack me while I’m taking a dump.

I hate my active imagination. And my fear of anything the remotely resembles a bee or a wasp. <shudder>